Rate it: Nocturnal Animals (2016)

I just… I feel like I should write an itemized list of everything I didn’t like about it, but a.) that’d be quite the long list, and b.) it’s not worth the effort. I know most people here don't like him, but I genuinely don't understand how people could crap on someone like Refn for being "style over substance" and yet praise Ford, when his sins are far more egregious. Whoever denounces Refn for being a "perfume ad director" needs to take a long, hard look at this fucker. I always thought A Single Man was slight (good performance from Firth or no, it's little more than a beautifully shot and scored How-To video on grieving), but this... Jesus. I don't really know where to begin.

The Adams-centric storyline was so stilted and hamfisted, with none of her reactions feeling natural or real at all, and the bulk of her performance is looking pensive after reading a passage in a book. None of her interactions also sounded genuine at all ("Oh, I didn't know you had an ex-husband. Did you love him?" WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?). It was also horrendously edited to stall the Gyllenhaal-centric story at precisely the worst times imaginable. Which brings me to the Gyllenhaal stuff. Not only was police procedure laughable to the nth degree (a police lineup in the SAME room as the witness?!), but it was written like a C-minus pulp thriller, with many plot and character inconsistencies that made me wonder how it got published . . . unless it was self-published on the Internet. There. That must be it. Which I'd have no problem with, except Adams feels so brutally affected by the story, despite not even thinking about Edward for most of their twenty-year separation. And the addition of the stupid-ass jumpscares...

Also, I really hated how Michael Shannon and Aaron Taylor-Johnson got traction for their work here. The former has been so much better than in this one-dimensional part (it's remarkable how much I dislike his two Oscar nominations despite being a fan of the man), and the latter veered between legitimately intimidating to Johnny Knoxville-in-The Ringer.

I know this isn't a particularly well-plotted or well-written critique on the film, but as Nocturnal Animals wasn't a particularly well-plotted or well-written (or well-anything) film, I don't really feel I need to put in the effort. It was an infuriating viewing experience, especially as someone who was actually looking forward to the project since it was announced.

P.S. Also, whoever decided Adams and Gyllenhaal could convincingly play college students AND a divorced couple nineteen years after the fact should be fired.

P.P.S. What the fuck, Laura Linney?