Have you ever gone through depression?

First felt it at 13. I'm now 34. Never really went away. Some days are better than others.

I've never been to a doctor about things - my family isn't exactly... it's not an open, inviting environment, shall we say - but I've often, at many points in my life, gone to sleep verbally repeating "Ishouldjustdieishouldjustdieishouldjustdieishouldjustdie" until I exhausted myself to sleep. I'm slowly trying to learn basic steps to change my life, but yeah, it's a constant struggle (made harder by the fact that I don't have a single important social connection in my life).

Thank you for sharing (and support) guys...
A few hours ago I was going through my journals of the past two years and concluded that I've been carrying a lot of stuff - which, at the time of penning them, looked small (of course) - and didn't really shared them with anyone (but a therapist; whom I spoke with very briefly) not even (or especially?) those who have my interest at heart the most... These may sound simple, if not schmaltzy; but I'm frankly baffled how much communication and opening-up actually matter, and a lot of "new age diseases" (perfectionism, procrastination, screen-addiction) are very true; and need to be addressed and taken care of...