Post by Martin Stett on Jun 25, 2018 17:14:01 GMT
Tchaikovsky (1970) -- This is just about the safest, blandest biopic I've seen. Focusing almost entirely upon the poor, unappreciated Tchaikovsky (except for every one of his friends, a benefactor with nigh infinite pockets, and pretty much everyone he ever meets) early on, it focuses on the woman who loves his music and, by extension, him, in the second half. Nevermind that they've never met nor shared any meaningful correspondence outside of "I need money!" "Anything for you!" Add onto this that his music continues to suck all through his career (yeah yeah, genius, master, whatever.... I'll take pretty much every damn one of the Russian romantic composers over him). And that many of the sets appear to be made of cardboard. The real problem with the movie is evident from the very first scene, though: a young Tchaikovsky is in a room late at night and lots of music begins playing, and he runs out screaming until his mother stops him and he says "Mama! THE MUSIC'S INSIDE OF ME!!!!!" This cheapens everything that comes after, because it says that his genius was inside of him, instead of having to work at it, to craft it into something worthwhile. This lazy attitude towards his characterization stays all through the movie, that he's simply a genius and we should like the movie because it's in tribute to him (forgetting that it is wildly inaccurate, I would guess). Just a complete disaster. 1/10
Squirm (MST3K version) -- "Save the girl or go antiquing? Hmm. Antiquing, here I come!" 7/10
The Shape of Water (2017) -- For the first time, Guillermo del Toro has failed me. He's already been here thematically. He's already created two love letters to the Outsider. They were titled Hellboy and Hellboy II. Those films really focus in on how Hellboy feels being a big, red monster. On Liz's fear of society. On Abe's wish to be able to love who he loves without being told what to do. But they were treated like real people in those films: the reason I consider both to be the very best superhero movies is because their actions and dialogue are those of everyday people. They're not out doing any big, dramatic types of jobs, at least not in their view. They're just working. Just falling in love. Just having a beer after work and just trying to be normal in the only ways that they're allowed to be. In TSoW, the characters are engaged in much more dramatic stuff. These outsiders are doing extraordinary things. They are breaking into government facilities, they're cussing out their superiors in sign language, they're being generally cool. But on the interior, their relationships mean nothing. The romance at the center is laughable, seeing as how the Amphibious Man is never given more characterization than "I like eggs." And the main character is instantly, head over heels IN LOOOOOOOOVE. It's silly. The villain is ridiculously over the top in a bad way, taking every cliche about being a "good 1950s husband and father" (and thus, a normal man) and pushing the dial up to around 9,000. And in case you didn't know he was the bad guy, he makes sure to tell us this at least twice a scene (what the hell was up with that bathroom scene? And then he leaves his bloody shock rod on the table!? WHO BEHAVES LIKE THIS!?). Now, to be fair, I really, REALLY dug the aesthetic of the film for the first half hour or so, before the movie dropped the fairy tale thing for spy shenanigans. And all of my problems are mainly in retrospect. They didn't bother me much at the time. 5/10
In the Fade (2017) -- It doesn't really seem to have much to say in the end (racism is bad, kids!), but it's a decent enough suspense flick. 6/10
Still Alice (2014) -- Seems to be a very realistic look at Alzheimer's, but it still can't quite escape the TV movie of the week feeling to it all. Not saying that it's bad, just that it never really gets that extra push it needed to be great. 6/10
The Joke (1969) -- It's really good at first (I loved the impressionistic editing and shot style in service of the straightforward story), but spins its wheels a lot towards the end, not knowing what to do in the last act. It's like everyone said "we don't like the communist regime" and made a movie about that, but didn't have an emotional goal in mind for the end. 6/10
Squirm (MST3K version) -- "Save the girl or go antiquing? Hmm. Antiquing, here I come!" 7/10
The Shape of Water (2017) -- For the first time, Guillermo del Toro has failed me. He's already been here thematically. He's already created two love letters to the Outsider. They were titled Hellboy and Hellboy II. Those films really focus in on how Hellboy feels being a big, red monster. On Liz's fear of society. On Abe's wish to be able to love who he loves without being told what to do. But they were treated like real people in those films: the reason I consider both to be the very best superhero movies is because their actions and dialogue are those of everyday people. They're not out doing any big, dramatic types of jobs, at least not in their view. They're just working. Just falling in love. Just having a beer after work and just trying to be normal in the only ways that they're allowed to be. In TSoW, the characters are engaged in much more dramatic stuff. These outsiders are doing extraordinary things. They are breaking into government facilities, they're cussing out their superiors in sign language, they're being generally cool. But on the interior, their relationships mean nothing. The romance at the center is laughable, seeing as how the Amphibious Man is never given more characterization than "I like eggs." And the main character is instantly, head over heels IN LOOOOOOOOVE. It's silly. The villain is ridiculously over the top in a bad way, taking every cliche about being a "good 1950s husband and father" (and thus, a normal man) and pushing the dial up to around 9,000. And in case you didn't know he was the bad guy, he makes sure to tell us this at least twice a scene (what the hell was up with that bathroom scene? And then he leaves his bloody shock rod on the table!? WHO BEHAVES LIKE THIS!?). Now, to be fair, I really, REALLY dug the aesthetic of the film for the first half hour or so, before the movie dropped the fairy tale thing for spy shenanigans. And all of my problems are mainly in retrospect. They didn't bother me much at the time. 5/10
In the Fade (2017) -- It doesn't really seem to have much to say in the end (racism is bad, kids!), but it's a decent enough suspense flick. 6/10
Still Alice (2014) -- Seems to be a very realistic look at Alzheimer's, but it still can't quite escape the TV movie of the week feeling to it all. Not saying that it's bad, just that it never really gets that extra push it needed to be great. 6/10
The Joke (1969) -- It's really good at first (I loved the impressionistic editing and shot style in service of the straightforward story), but spins its wheels a lot towards the end, not knowing what to do in the last act. It's like everyone said "we don't like the communist regime" and made a movie about that, but didn't have an emotional goal in mind for the end. 6/10
