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Post by Martin Stett on Apr 22, 2022 23:37:52 GMT
Black Widow
I liked the prologue and I liked the second act of the family bickering like a mediocre Incredibles fanfic. Everything else is a mess. This is so boilerplate and so been-there-done-that in every way. The fights are especially atrocious (why the hell is there a prison inside of an avalanche zone). But dammit, Harbour and Weisz are so much fun that I can give this a pass. Can I get a movie all about them and their time in Ohio? One that doesn't feel the need to stick terrible fight scenes in every ten minutes? Yes, I do know that would just be The Americans, but I didn't really like The Americans and I think there is potential to do it better.
Maybe not by Marvel, though.
Well, a movie about Alexei's past as the Soviet superhero crushing capitalism then? I could go for that.
Anyway, Weisz and Harbour are gods, Pugh is spew, Johansson is as boring as always, the after credits scene is trash 6/10, ranked 14th out of 25
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Post by Ryan_MYeah on Apr 22, 2022 23:57:14 GMT
We were brothers once! But “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is where this movie peaks. I kinda wished it were more Red Sparrow than Bourne after the prologue.
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Post by Martin Stett on Apr 23, 2022 0:25:38 GMT
We were brothers once! But “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is where this movie peaks. I kinda wished it were more Red Sparrow than Bourne after the prologue. She's just so boring, man! I have also felt the same with both of her other performances I've seen (Little Women & Lady Macbeth). She has no charisma. I do not understand any of the praise that gets tossed her way when there are literally hundreds of actors out there that can do better. That prologue was really great, though. It's a shame they had to tie this into the larger narrative. On another note, the timeline of this movie makes my head hurt. At what point does Yelena get un-brainwashed? How long does she spend alone before contacting Natasha? Why does Natasha think that a man who has been in prison for twenty years would know more about the Red Room than she does? Why would Malina subject herself to her own experiments (I suppose she could have been forced, but if they had a Jesse Pinkman, why would they need Heisenberg)? Why does the faceless villain's outfit look so stupid? I'm okay with the farm because it was fun to see the characters interact without awful CGI or forced fight banter (gaaawwwd, Yelena's dialogue in the fights was so cringe). I'm disappointed that the whole movie wasn't just about Yelena bringing home a boyfriend to her superparents for an awkward weekend with Natasha getting dragged along as the evil American defector. That would have been fun.
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Post by Martin Stett on Apr 23, 2022 2:19:19 GMT
Side note: This movie reminded me of an anime I had forgotten about that uses the same concept of brainwashed little girls being used as assassins. Which sounds terrible, but Gunslinger Girl is actually remarkably touching and nuanced. Its first season is about a shady government agency augmenting little girls with cybernetics and turning them into perfect little killers. The focus is on the moral grey area the agency possesses: the handlers have different beliefs and moral structures, and their girls are also very different and have their own views on what they do and what they believe is right. It's much more of a character study than I expected, although it is ultimately too disconnected and episodic to approach greatness.
I mean, this is the theme song! That alone should tell you that this show is going for something a tad quieter and more contemplative than Black Widow.
The second season (subtitled "Il Teatrino") was handled by a different company years later, and the animation quality SUCKS... but it still has pretty solid writing, focusing on the terrorists battling the corrupt government and what they believe in. There are some very on-the-nose scenes in season 2 and the action is pitiful, but as a whole I still quite enjoyed it and the first season as an antidote to typical action fare that doesn't stop to breathe. GG is all about those moments of breathing.
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Post by Martin Stett on May 4, 2022 4:17:22 GMT
Loki
Marvel needs to die.
I want to preface my praise of this show by saying that. I enjoyed this, but it never made me forget the immutable truth that the MCU is a blight upon humanity. This show is... fun? Mostly quite fun. It's a lower-middle grade Doctor Who story with quirky stuff and fun banter. Owen Wilson is a lot of fun and the production design does a great job of selling this wacky world of the TVA. The story goes along predictable lines, but it is diverting if you don't think about it too hard. That unveiling of a certain actor in episode 4 is comic gold, too. (I really liked how that character was handled as a whole.) I also liked the music in this show. It isn't anything spectacular, but it has actual motifs that I could follow and that were sorta catchy? That puts it over every other MCU movie in this regard, I think?
Unfortunately, this suffers from the same problem as every other recent MCU product: the villain(s). STOP TRYING TO JUSTIFY THE VILLAIN'S ACTIONS. Just. Stop. You're doing it backwards! You keep trying to write villains that have understandable motivations so that they're not just mindless goons for the heroes to punch. I get that. But you need to start with the heroes: what are they fighting for? And then you write a villain who stands in contrast to what the heroes stand for. There is no philosophical difference between Loki and the Time Keepers. In the end, both of them want to stop bad things from happening to the people they care about. But the show never establishes how Loki's viewpoint sets him in any sort of conflict with them.
With Doctor Who, there are some villains that are sympathetic, and some heroes that are not heroic. But in the best DW stories, the Doctor can deliver a big speech stating why the villain is wrong, or he can demonstrate why they are wrong through his actions. Because the Doctor stands for something. That something will change between incarnations and the values of the writer, but the Doctor has beliefs that stand in opposition to whatever monster or villain is trying to bad things - whether that be his atheism being challenged by Satan himself, or his belief that a bad person can change being put to the test when an old enemy and murderer asks for his help, the Doctor finds his worldview challenged, and comes out stronger for it.
Loki's worldview doesn't get challenged in any meaningful way. And that is the most frustrating thing about this show, and a whole lot of the MCU. It all means nothing, because nobody ever has to confront what they believe in and actually think about why they stand against evil.
I could offer other complaints. The show has SO MUCH background and lore to the TVA, and so much backstory to Moebius and Renslayer, and all of it comes off as extremely shallow because no time is spent developing this much needed information. A lot of the story is devoted to setpieces that go nowhere and sort of fizzle out. The ending makes no sense from a logical point of view. But these problems don't really matter. The rot at the heart of the MCU is cowardice. If you can actually stand for something, I can respect you. But I can't respect this.
Even if it is fun in the moment, Loki is frustrating in retrospect. It is sound and fury, signifying nothing. 6/10, ranked 12th out of 26
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Post by Martin Stett on May 24, 2022 23:40:05 GMT
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
Despite this having the same problems as every other Disney property of the last ten years, I quite enjoyed it. Sure, the plot is the standard A-to-B-to-C series of contrivances to keep people moving from place to place and never allowing for characters to think or have free will. Sure, the action scenes are distributed at regular intervals for the same reason. Sure, the movie devolves into a CGI fest. Sure, it wastes Tony Leung who is clearly just going through the motions for a paycheck. But the banter is fun. The non-powered sidekick is actually funny and gets chances to shine (I never thought that I would praise anything related to Awkwafina, but she lit up this movie). The monster designs are pretty cool. The action is decent enough.
Is it all made by a committee with no personal stamp at all? Sure it is. But for a committee made product, this really isn't bad at all. 6/10, ranked 10th out of 27
P.S. Shaun totally killed Katy's dad (or was it granddad), right? Right? He went to San Francisco, killed the old bugger, and then felt bad about it so he got into a platonic relation with the dead guy's offspring, thus ruining her chances of ever getting laid. Galaxy brain move to make his revenge complete. I dig it.
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Post by Martin Stett on Jun 15, 2022 0:39:10 GMT
EternalsThis is the only MCU offering that I wanted to be longer. Like, 5-6 hours longer. That exposition dump is soooooo awkward, man. But this cast... I love this cast. Every one of the Eternals is more fun and interesting than almost any Avenger, and that is just based on the 2.75 hours we get with them! Druig, Ikaris and Kingo in particular are such great cases of people facing conflicts within themselves. The fate of the world doesn't matter so much as what these characters learn about themselves and the decisions they make along the way. I LOVED IT. Faustos, Gilgamesh and... Speedygirl (she's the only character I can't name) offer some very fun comedy (Faustos in particular gets at least three big laughs) that doesn't feel like Marvel at all, because it is rooted in character interactions. I love it. I love it so much. But... oh boy, it is sooooo short. The MCU is now making TV shows. Why not give this the miniseries treatment???? The idea of Sprite always being on the outside and looking in is so powerful, but we're stuck with Kingo giving a speech about it instead of seeing this happen organically. Cersei explaining her past to her boyfriend is a bit exposition dumpy too (although it makes sense in character to have her do that). The thing is, Zhao knows how to show these things. Long before he said anything about it, I understood that Kingo fell in love with acting because he loved Sprite's stories (that shot of him being enraptured as she puts on the show in Babylon was so beautiful ). I feel that with more space given to these heroes, Eternals wouldn't just be a terrific fantasy film... it would be one of the best fantasy epics in the cinematic medium. Even with the limited time we're given, there is so much special about it. This certainly isn't a perfect film, but I want so many more like it. Zhao, consider yourself redeemed after Nomadland. 8/10, ranked 2nd out of 28
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Post by Martin Stett on Sept 19, 2022 23:42:55 GMT
Spider-Man: No Way Home
Key-Jangling: The Movie.
Absolute dogshit. 140 minutes of reminding you of those other Spidey movies you liked, while forging nothing of its own. At least Willem Dafoe and Andrew Garfield are having fun. God knows I wasn't.
3/10, ranked 27th out of 29
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Post by Martin Stett on Jan 16, 2023 22:47:39 GMT
Moon KnightI skipped Hawkeye, as I was incredibly bored after a single episode. So moving on to Moon Knight, one of the most conceptually intriguing characters to join the MCU. Unfortunately, this is over-stuffed, shoddily paced hokum that never dives into the dark pits of ugliness that is necessary for a character as brutal as Mark Spector. The narrative constantly lets him off the hook, first of all: This man is a monster and every time it begins to question him, there's always a scapegoat to pin his destructiveness on. It isn't Mark's fault, it's his mother's! It isn't Mark's fault, it's Khonshu's! (On top of that, Khonshu's Mephistophelian contract is... umm... totally straightforward and not evil at all? Add ON TOP OF THAT the morally fucked ending in which Mark lets guilty parties go free because... he has the choice... to let guilty, evil sickos run amok and kill more people? IT'S THE WRONG CHOICE, ASSHOLE. You KNOW that Amet and Harrow are evil and YOU KNOW they will kill again. This isn't Khonshu determining their guilt: you can do that yourself! You can choose to do what is right, or you can choose to be a coward. If you do the latter, fine, but don't paint it like you're taking the moral high ground, you selfish piece of shit.) *Ahem* Uh, the tone is also a mess. The MCU humor doesn't jibe with the darkness inherent in the story, and the evil cult is too cleanly cut and evil for a story that should, by all rights, be morally murky. And finally, the girlfriend character is a cheat. She's a no-nonsense girlboss saving the day at the end, and that's... okay? But she never has any real inner conflict over Mark, when SHE SHOULD. She SHOULD be upset about his lies, about his history, about Stephen Grant being kept from her, but nooooooo, all that is tossed aside for a bland, one-note "Egyptian superhero" (You just know the writers creamed themselves upon penning that line) savior to swoop in and be the good guy we can look up towards... which would be fine if she was ever shown to be a morally good counterpoint to the morally flawed Mark, but she isn't. She's nothing but a walking sex doll for Mark to defend through the whole story, and she needed interiority before giving her superpowers. Also, fuck that hippo. I hated that hippo. EDIT: Ugggh, I forgot the trial. That trial was so stupid. The avatars call a trial and then DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO HEAR THE EVIDENCE. Khonshu says that Harrow is trying to free Amet and they don't even investigate! They just say "no, we don't believe you," and imprison him. MARK IS STANDING RIGHT THERE. STEPHEN IS STANDING RIGHT THERE. They can corroborate! They can can assert that Khonshu is telling the truth! WHY THE HELL DO THE WRITERS PUT THEMSELVES IN THIS SITUATION IF THEY REFUSE TO HAVE ANYBODY FUCKING SPEAK!?!?!?!? ...But okay, it isn't all bad. I think Khonshu is a cool villain and there is potential for more with his character (if Disney doesn't self-destruct soon, which I hope they do). Um... that's really it, huh. I didn't hate most of it, I guess? It's only the ending that pisses me off. The rest of it is just mediocre Marvel stupidity. 4/10, ranked 21st out of 30
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Post by Martin Stett on Jan 21, 2023 0:35:12 GMT
Doctor Strange 2 The worst MCU movie. Not quite as bad as The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but def the worst movie. Nonsensical shit that retcons Wanda's character entirely, has no stakes. The worst part was the godawful Illuminati bullshit and the WE MUST KILL DR STRANGE crap. Like, they make it clear that it is the evil bad guy book that is responsible for bad things, THEY KNOW THIS, but no Dr. Strange is the problem, NOT THE WOMAN USING THE EVIL BAD GUY BOOK. And that fucking pizza guy thing is disgusting, a morally awful "joke" that gets forced in there. God, I hate this movie. There is one - literally one - good moment in this movie, and that is Scarlet Witch crying a bit at the end when she sees her kids. It's kind of touching to see a little bit of the real Wanda I actually care about. Anyway, total garbage, worst MCU flick. I hate my life. 1/10, ranked 30th out of 31
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Post by Martin Stett on Feb 13, 2023 0:59:34 GMT
Thor: Love and Thunder
Taika Waititi is the death of cinema. Christian Bale is very, very good and deserves a proper movie that allows him to genuinely explore this character, instead of a fucking Taika diarrhea shit. I hate my life.
2/10, ranked 30th of 32
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Post by Martin Stett on Jun 1, 2023 22:34:41 GMT
Werewolf by Night
This doesn't exist. It's two minutes of content stretched out for an hour. It has no purpose. It doesn't even have a werewolf (IT'S A FUCKING SASQUATCH). Some neat production design means nothing when it is in the service of something so wispy and pointless. 4/10, ranked 22nd of 33
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Post by countjohn on Jan 27, 2024 22:12:00 GMT
Captain America: The Winter Soldier Watched this for the first time last night when it popped up on a streaming site and remembered your thread. The first hour of this with Cap and Black Widow on the run is the best thing Marvel has done. Quick action scenes that don't bog everything down and they're both written as actual people with senses of humor. Particularly loved how they wrote Black Widow here and Johansson hit it out of the park the one time she got a real part in one of these things. Doesn't really feel like a superhero movie at all which is why I liked it too, feels like a legit spy movie. But in the second half Marvel has to Marvel and it gets turned into their usual thing. The second the evil computer showed up I went "oh no" in my head. Just a lame resolution and then of course it has to have the boring neverending final battle. Redford is such a stone cold asshole in this though. Would have been even better to see him play a Bond villain along those lines opposite Craig. Didn't think they were going to have him shoot the cleaning lady, can't believe they went there. Thanos can turn half of everyone into dust by doing whatever it was but they usually don't have "real world" cruelty like the villain shooting an innocent bystander in cold blood.
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