Halloween Horror Nights.

Finally home. Had a ton of fun tonight. Highlights among the houses included Dead Waters (one of my favorite houses in years), The Shining, Ash vs Evil Dead, Scarecrow: The Reaping, and surprisingly Blumhouse. Dead Waters hands down is the overall best themed and best presented house in the entire lineup, with such brilliant atmosphere and terror and storytelling, but The Shining probably scared me the most out of all the houses (it didn't help that the Grady twins zeroed in specifically on me).

Bill & Ted show was disappointing, bland, had some sparsely great gags, but was also a bittersweet farewell. They also have a dance show called Academy of Villains, and I know what you're thinking - "Oh, it's a dance show", but it's actually pretty fantastic and funny to watch. Scare zones were really fun, The Purge being the highlight, though the Trick R Treat zone was lovely.

Looking forward to going again in a couple weeks.

And Joaquim, get on it!

The first I heard of them was through you years ago. Sounds so fun.

Second night back. Excited to see how the houses and scare zones hold up.

HAHAHAHA. I was so fucking confused for a solid 2 minutes looking at the date of the thread being September 15, when it's only September 14. Then I had to think back did I screw up the date all day?

Lol. I was looking at the date line and the bottom right of my screen at the actual date.

Well, tonight’s the last night, and I’ll be there. It’s so crazy to think it’s over now, and the holiday season is right around the corner. It feels like it comes earlier and earlier every year. But I still love this time of year, no matter how quickly it comes and goes. And I loved going several times this year. While it could have used improvements, the joy it gives me to get to go is always so great. Even just roaming around in the Vamp ‘85 and Killer Klowns scare zones was so fun to me.

But anyway, now that I’ve got a decent sample of this year’s offerings, I’m ranking all ten haunted houses. Enjoy, everybody!



10. The Horrors of Blumhouse Vol. 2
This house takes you through the events of Happy Death Day and The First Purge. The first half with HDD is fun and amusing, if incredibly predictable and surface value. The second half with TFP drags the entire ship sinking to the bottom, as it doesn’t even try to hide the fact that it’s two houses hastily bolted together. There’s no unity, the transition is jarring, and it squanders the potential it has. Also, with the kind of properties Blumhouse has like Split and Get Out, I cant believe these two were what got their own house.


9. Dead Exposure: Patient Zero
Pits you in a Parisian zombie apocalypse with flashing lights guiding your way. The first time I went through this house, I hated it. On subsequent visits, it’s better, and has a number of effective and creative scares, but the gimmick is tiring, and I have to take my migraine medication before I go in, because the strobing - on top of making it difficult to tell where I’m going - is such an eyesore that it gives me a headache every time I go in. I’d say if you go last minute, these bottom two are the ones for you to skip.


8. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Takes you through the events of the film. It’s definitely a better house than the movie that inspired it, but a far cry from the matching their awesome Halloween 2 house from 2016. You know exactly what you’re getting walking in, and while it does make for a fun time with some great Michael pop outs, it just feels generic. Like this could be any carnival house. And you don’t really get any sense of story either, considering how muddled the presentation is all throughout, and god forbid you get a bad run through and miss the best parts. It’s basic fun, but nothing more.


7. Seeds of Extinction
A meteorite has turn the earth into an overgrown plant monster world. This one might be the most beautiful house, considering the great technicals on display. A-plus sets, costumes, makeup, and even some awesome puppetry. It also helps that there are some incredible scares peppered in the house. But at he same time, it does begin to get one-note, especially when it feels like the same monster pops out at you twenty times, just with a different paint job. But it’s basic thrills done right, and it’s solid if not spectacular.


6. Carnival Graveyard: Rust in Pieces
Takes you through a haunted scrapyard of carnival attractions. Dumb, eccentric fun as only HHN can deliver on. Ugly and worn down in the best possible way, the rusty and twisty carnival booths and scrappy attractions, with some good ol’ evil carny folk thrown in for good measure, really sells the perception of a theme park turn on its head and gone wrong. Like the idea of showing the sinister nature of a carnival for what it really is, wearing its trashiness proudly. While it’s no revolution in design, it’s simplicity makes it worth visiting.


5. Trick ‘r Treat
Takes you through the events of the film. This house makes me happy. As far as scary houses go, it is very low on the list, but it is still effective nonetheless. The house nails the film’s darkly comical atmosphere to a tee, picking the finest scenes to showcase, and getting some damn good look alikes to play the film’s characters. I just love being able to experience the spooky and (darkly) whimsical world of the film, feeling like I’ve stepped into the film. While that does means feeling like a collection of scenes more than a story, and relies a bit on Sam pulling Michael Myers pop outs, this is still a thoroughly enjoyable house.


4. Slaughter Sinema
Takes you through schlocky movies inspired by 70’s grindhouse flicks. This is the fun house of the year, and if you’re a film lover like me, you’ll definitely like this house for how proudly it wears the pure camp and absurdity of the fake films it takes you through. With titles like Pumpkin Guts, Attack of the Swamp Yeti, and Schittie’s Kids (that’s hilarious), you can clearly picture the designers sticking their tongue firmly in cheek, and having a blast tossing their terrible, brilliant ideas at the board. It’s an absolute riot to experience, and even better to see the reactions of obvious first timers going through, including one close encounter with an awesome giant fuzzball monster.


3. Poltergeist
Takes you through the events of the 1982 film. I don’t find Poltergeist scary even if it’s a good movie, but this house goes above and beyond in making me scared. We start entering the pool and working our way through the coffins, before slowly working our way through the house and into the other side. There are such great scares here, from the dead bodies, to the face peeling guy, the freaky clown, and an encounter with a phenomenal Beast puppet. It does a great job of translating the film’s highlights, while also making for an overwhelming sensory trip, with the space around you making you feel uneasy with chilly air piped in at every angle. This is one truly terrifying house.


2. Scary Tales: Deadly Ever After
The Wicked Witch of the West twists he happy endings of fairy tales. Of all the houses, I think this is the complete package of what a great HHN house should be. Beautifully designed, with some breathtaking and gorgeously twisted dark fairy tale interpretations, starting on a great note with an awesome harness effect. There’s great story to it, with the tales and characters showing some excellent grotesque charm. And above all, it’s such a scary house, the actors are really into the spirit of it, and has a hilarious final scare from a giant bear. It’s a very twisty and freaky house, with one spider web room is hate to get stuck in, and it just brims and boils over with creativity.


1. Stranger Things
Takes you through the first season of the show. Should it really come as a surprise? Oh, I wanted to give Scary Tales number one, but no house this year has left me so entertained, and no house has made me wanna go back to it more times than this. I could do this house over and over if the waits didn’t get so obscenely long. It’s such a pitch perfect emulation of the show, carrying its atmosphere and fright factor over seamlessly. Their adaptations of the Upside Down is so uncanny it feels like I’ve walked through the screen, and the actors they get to play the roles look and act so freakishly close to their characters. And while I love HHN, I typically find a lot of their houses more scenes than a continuous story, but this house takes you through the story and highlights so effortlessly, and there’s a natural sense of progression to it. And while it isn’t the most terrifying, there are some great frights in there, mostly come from the Demogorgan, whose bodysuits are so lifelike it’s freaky. And what’s even better? They alternate what characters appear in certain show scenes, so one night you might get Mike in a scene, but the next you come back and there’s Lucas. So there’s a ton of repeatability to this house, and I can never get enough of it.

If you want to experience it, but you’re not in town tonight, Universal is opening it during regular hours on November 6th (The day Will went missing). I know I’ll be there to do it again. This is easily my house of the year.


So, that’s all for now, I’m off, and Here’s to next year!